Do You Know How to Recognize Signs of an Abusive Relationship?
You may not be aware that Dr. Johnson has done a lot of charity dentistry for some very special people. One of the projects he worked on was helping women who were victims of domestic violence. Domestic violence is an important and serious topic. There are sometimes obvious signs in a physically abusive relationship, but what about the more subtle signs?
Recognizing Subtle Signs of An Abusive Relationship
By Kristine Semantel
One third to one half of women in America have been abused by their partner at one time or another. No one ever wants to see a loved one in any type of abusive relationship or to see them go down a dangerous road and most people can easily identify physically violent behaviors and evidence of physical violence. Physical abuse is often the most easily identified. What about emotional abuse or neglect within a relationship? What are some of the signs of these less visible types of abuse? Below are some of the signs you may look for if you suspect a loved one is being emotionally abused:
- Behavioral changes within the victim such as depression, anger, being guarded or emotional numbness
- The relationship moves at warp speed
- Changes in the appearance of the victim such as "letting themselves go" or fretting obsessively over their appearance
- The victim covers up for or protects their partner and their behavior
- The victim is prevented from going to work or school
- The victim's partner puts others down regularly
- Constant phone calls, emails, IMs and text messages
- The victim begins to be isolated from friends and family
- Victim's partner says, "all the right things"
Below is an ABUSER PROFILE:
- Pathologically jealous
- Blames other for their actions
- Says, "I love you" too much
- Breaks or throws objects
- Gives gifts as a way of apologizing
- Very protective of the victim
- Isolates the victim from family and friends
- Appears one way in front of others and another way in front of the victim
- Becomes quickly involved in the relationship
- Wants to see the victim all the time
- Always calls just to say hi
- Shows up at the victim's job too often
- Has low self-esteem
- Does not have many friends
- May have been abused themselves
- Wants to take care of the victim.
- Promises the victim the world
- Convinces the victim that he/she would be the best provider and parent of future children they may have.
- Tells the victim all they need is him/her in their lives
- Tells the victim that the two of them could conquer the world.
- Tells the victim that he/she cannot live without them.
How can you help someone in this situation? Well, unfortunately, no matter how clearly others may see what's happening, not much can be done until the victim realizes it is happening and wants help. Initially, when confronted with the suspicion that their partner may be an abuser, the victim will frequently become very protective of their partner and assume your concern is ridiculous or meddling. Worse yet, they may lash out at you. Relationship abuse is never the victim's fault. Reinforce that with your friend. They may be afraid to talk about it because they are afraid or embarrassed.
The best that can be done for someone in this situation is to let them know that you support and love them and will always be there for them. And then be true to your word and support the victim when it is time for them to get out of the abusive relationship. Listen non-judgmentally and enlist the help of a domestic abuse counselor who will be able to guide you in helping your friend. If the victim fears for his or her life, many organizations exist to help individuals be safe in the transition out of the relationship. For more information visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline at
www.ndvh.org/ To visit Kristine's Blog, follow this link.
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